Pasture Still Life

Years ago I read an article that has stuck with all of this time. No, I don't remember the author – or even the publication – but, I remember the message. Don't get caught in the trap of living the life of "I'll be happy when…".

It's a simple statement. One that we slip into saying when things are rough. It may even be an attempt as positive reinforcement, such as when your child paints the wall in poo, or your spouse has been out of work for a while. "I'll be happy when they grow up a bit and don't cause me a bunch of problems." "I'll be happy when we can make ends meet and not have to choose between paying a bill and getting groceries."

We try to remind ourselves that life is not made up of trials, that there will be a time when these rough days will pass and we'll "laugh about this later". We try to remember to "just keep swimming." However, have you seen the movie Click, with Adam Sandler? When we focus on the future, trying to block out today, you miss out on Life. You forget that there is a difference between having a bad five minutes, and having a bad day. If you let the details of the moment overshadow everything else, then the good things are lost in the dark. Did you miss the look on your child's face when they tried to show you the poo art?

I am so thankful the Lord led me to that article while my children were still young. I still slip into the "I'll be happy when…" trap, but I usually recognize it and try to course correct. Like the time when my daughter was learning to drink from a real cup and spilt milk all over the chair, floor, and herself. All I could think was, "Shouldn't cry over spilt milk!" and I could barely stop laughing. My aunt was shocked. When her daughter was little she would have had a fit about the mess and cleanup. She wasn't trying to tell me I was wrong, but that when she was younger she didn't know any other way to be.

Some people don't understand my parenting "style". I don't seem to fit the mold for my age group. At 44 with an 8 and a 9 year old, I would normally fall into the older model of discipline. It is expected by my contemporaries to raise children that do not speak unless spoken to. It is better to be seen and not heard – better yet, neither seen nor heard. I grew up Southern, Christian, Military – I fully intended to NOT be the parent with the heathens. God had other plans.

My daughter has anxiety attacks. She was about 5 when I realized we had been forcing her to do things that truly terrified her. Matthew was diagnosed with high functioning autism, which means many people may not recognize that certain situations are confusing and reactions may not come naturally. Now that we know we can make adjustments.

Choose your battles. Ask yourself: would this happening change the course of our lives? We get so bogged down by the negative, we default to No. No, you can't have pancakes shaped like Mickey (when you're already making pancakes). No, you can't have seven ice cubes in your drink. No, you can't sit there and cut the paper into confetti. You have to eat the hotdog with the bun. You must…you can't…you have to. We get stuck in patterns of negativity.

I started trying to say Yes. Pick one simple thing out of the day to say, "Yes". There are certain rules that must be followed – giving respect to others, cleaning up messes after projects, eating something healthy during the day, etc. But, there are so many little things that bring joy that we miss because we are living for tomorrow. We have gap years where we've missed everything important. Life is more than working to pay bills. There are moments where we can take a mental snapshot of what we see, to accept and appreciate the family, life, and world that surrounds us every day.

I usually go out to feed our animals at early dusk. By the time I'm finished with the chores I can still see well, but it's definitely getting darker. At one point I cross over a canal and into the pasture and I always try to pause and LOOK, really look at what is in front of me. I'm almost always overwhelmed by the beauty. Sunset colors, flowers, grazing horses, flying egrets startled from my path…life through God's creation. As I pass through the pasture I have started taking pictures of some of the flowers and other still life moments. They are some of the most beautiful pictures I've ever taken – and they were during the times while I was working – while I was on my way somewhere else.

We've heard the cheesy clichés. Blink and you'll miss it. It's the journey – not the destination. Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. They become a cliché because they are true. But, we often lose sight of how to implement it – how to get from the "I'll be happy when…" to living the journey. I have a few suggestions.

Set an alarm for every few hours – when the alarm goes off take a moment to look around you and see something outside your immediate concern. You can take 2 seconds, or even a full minute. The point is it doesn't have to distract from your day – it becomes your day.

Say Yes. If you have children (or even a friend/spouse/roommate/dog) pick one thing that you would normally say No about, and say Yes instead.

Give real hugs, kiss cheeks and foreheads, and find characters in clouds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections on a disaster area

For those of you who have followed along, you may have noted that I spent some time working Disaster Recovery for FEMA. Now, before I begin I want to say that prior to the Katrina Disaster (which was actually a Levy issue, not a hurricane issue) FEMA was a actually out to help people. I personally feel (purely MY opinion) that after that disaster so many changes were made and red tape increased to where the only people who benefit from it now are those skilled in “using” the system. Before I sidestep into a full on rant, I’ll continue with my story.
When the hurricanes of ’04 began training into Florida I had about experience from 2 other disasters crossing 3 states. I thought myself “prepared”. Although I had seen hurricane damage after Isobell, this was different. I used GPS to locate my first applicant. All the street signs were gone. I eventually made my way to what was supposed to be a mixed subdivision – made up of mobile homes and so called regular homes along with a few that were a mixture of both. The simple truth – it was gone. Not the house, the neighborhood. The place was just scattered with piles of trash. When you focused on parts you could discern a foundation here, half a garage there. None of us knew at the time that FL would be hit with 3 more storms that summer. All of that debris would be picked up and turned into missiles before it could ever be picked up and taken for disposal. Most people were living in their cars, or the only remaining room of their house that still had most of a roof. The nearest place with power was about a 3 hr drive, and this was 2-3 days after the storm. I was among the first “help” in the area.
The family I was there to see were living in their garage – 3 walls of their home and the roof was gone. As we walked around the outside of the house I made my measurements and the couple did their best to describe what had been in the house and how it was laid out. I remember they had a wonderful white rock flower bed around the edge of the foundation. At one point the husband bent over and plucked a weed from between the stones. Suddenly he was overcome with the irony of maintaining a flower garden when his home was destroyed.
At another home, different neighborhood, the family had made a good attempt to set up an outdoor living area with rescued furniture. They had even set up a tent and still had their barbecue for cooking. When I arrived they were excited that they had finally made it through a Red Cross line and had MRE’s and ICE! Sacred commodities at this point. While I conducted the interview they’re daughter, who looked to be 13-14, finished her drink **and tossed the ice from her drink out on the ground*** Her Parents immediately disciplined her, and she was made to understand how critical that small bit of ice could be. Even if it were not used in another drink it could be used to keep food cool. In her mind the reality of their survival status had not sunk in. She was thinking in a “we’re just camping” mindset. This is a minor thing, but it comes to mind when considering including children in training and planning for a disaster situation.
The last family I’ll recall for you today had a father who had been in Vietnam during the war/conflict. He told me how he had never had flashbacks to that time. Yet, 25 years later, when he came out of his storm shelter he said it was like walking into a full on war zone and brought back all the memories and fight or flight instincts of that time. After I completed his interview, I returned to my car. A woman had parked behind me and would not let me leave. Her sister had applied for assistance a week before and still had not heard from an inspector. Not believing that I had no way of doing an interview I had not been assigned she would not let me leave. I had no phone signal – no way to call for help, no way to tell the people I had set appointments with of why I was late. After an hour my previous applicant came out with a shotgun and she finally let me leave.
As a final note, during this time I lived like my applicants – no spiffy govt compound – I lived in my car and ate MRE’s and the occasional Red Cross meal. Needless to say half my baggage for future deployments was FOOD. I was thankful when I finally found a single level motel that allowed me to stay for $50 a night. There was no electricity and the carpet was moldy from the water which had seeped in from the neighboring room that had lost it’s roof.
The main idea behind all this is that disasters hit this country multiple times every year. They don’t have to be widespread, It could just hit a few houses – your house. Then suddenly all that prepping doesn’t seem so silly.

Success or failure is based on maintaining normalcy

For those of us who are parents, or plan to be, the concept of survival goes beyond ourselves. The considerations which must be taken into account go beyond rice, beans and antibiotics. Many of us think of those first critical days, or months, in the aftermath of a disaster. We count our jars of chicken and containers of rice and say “We can make it”. Most of us have taken into account the need for protecting those goods from the zombie hordes. But, are we protecting our minds from the shock that inevitably will follow such an event?
No matter if you are child or adult, it is common to resist change. A big change, or loss of normalcy, can cause a downward spiral that is harder to combat. Now, throughout history, children have shown themselves to adapt to changes much more readily than there adult counterparts, but that adaptation takes a bit of time. I believe that our success or failure at continuing on is directly related to how much “normal” we can pack in our bags.

1. Meals – Although most of us store every day foods, we usually do not eat so much in the way of rice/beans. Much less, do we utilize dehydrated and freeze dried ingredients. It is best to get past that learning stage while the lights are still on. Try making a zombie meal once a week. Zombie meals are things you can put together without electricity that you can still make when mentally and physically exhausted. Now, you can’t cop out and do peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Have you cooked with “real” rice instead of Minute Rice? When I lived in Puerto Rico it shocked me that it took months before I could cook a pot of rice that wasn’t mush or crispy. Do you have a stock of the seasonings you’ll need to dress up your beans? Finally, there is more to it than just making sure you can use your stores. By cooking a zombie meal once a week, it becomes normal. Your children are less likely to turn their nose up to something they recognize and the acts of rough cooking and cleanup will become as natural as pulling a trigger.

2. Recipes – pick up a journal or binder for special recipes. There are tons of recipes on the Internet for making fun extras. But, we all know the day may come when we don’t have access to that plethora of information. Put together a collection for things like chocolate syrup, homemade bubbles, and laundry soap. Once again, I would try the recipes to make sure you have what you need and that the directions are complete.
3. Games – especially if you have children, there is a concern that they will not be up to the rigors of a survival situations. It is not necessary to engender fear when practicing bugging out/in. Games can teach the necessary skills and the less fear associated with the game the more successful they are likely to be in a fight or flight situation. Games of Hide and Seek, geocaching, and berry picking are all fun yet teaches the skills which may become necessary.

The idea, is to try and maintain as much normal as possible. We practice skills such as target shooting and gardening, but it may be the simplest things we haven’t practiced which can make the difference between survival and success.