Pasture Still Life

Years ago I read an article that has stuck with all of this time. No, I don't remember the author – or even the publication – but, I remember the message. Don't get caught in the trap of living the life of "I'll be happy when…".

It's a simple statement. One that we slip into saying when things are rough. It may even be an attempt as positive reinforcement, such as when your child paints the wall in poo, or your spouse has been out of work for a while. "I'll be happy when they grow up a bit and don't cause me a bunch of problems." "I'll be happy when we can make ends meet and not have to choose between paying a bill and getting groceries."

We try to remind ourselves that life is not made up of trials, that there will be a time when these rough days will pass and we'll "laugh about this later". We try to remember to "just keep swimming." However, have you seen the movie Click, with Adam Sandler? When we focus on the future, trying to block out today, you miss out on Life. You forget that there is a difference between having a bad five minutes, and having a bad day. If you let the details of the moment overshadow everything else, then the good things are lost in the dark. Did you miss the look on your child's face when they tried to show you the poo art?

I am so thankful the Lord led me to that article while my children were still young. I still slip into the "I'll be happy when…" trap, but I usually recognize it and try to course correct. Like the time when my daughter was learning to drink from a real cup and spilt milk all over the chair, floor, and herself. All I could think was, "Shouldn't cry over spilt milk!" and I could barely stop laughing. My aunt was shocked. When her daughter was little she would have had a fit about the mess and cleanup. She wasn't trying to tell me I was wrong, but that when she was younger she didn't know any other way to be.

Some people don't understand my parenting "style". I don't seem to fit the mold for my age group. At 44 with an 8 and a 9 year old, I would normally fall into the older model of discipline. It is expected by my contemporaries to raise children that do not speak unless spoken to. It is better to be seen and not heard – better yet, neither seen nor heard. I grew up Southern, Christian, Military – I fully intended to NOT be the parent with the heathens. God had other plans.

My daughter has anxiety attacks. She was about 5 when I realized we had been forcing her to do things that truly terrified her. Matthew was diagnosed with high functioning autism, which means many people may not recognize that certain situations are confusing and reactions may not come naturally. Now that we know we can make adjustments.

Choose your battles. Ask yourself: would this happening change the course of our lives? We get so bogged down by the negative, we default to No. No, you can't have pancakes shaped like Mickey (when you're already making pancakes). No, you can't have seven ice cubes in your drink. No, you can't sit there and cut the paper into confetti. You have to eat the hotdog with the bun. You must…you can't…you have to. We get stuck in patterns of negativity.

I started trying to say Yes. Pick one simple thing out of the day to say, "Yes". There are certain rules that must be followed – giving respect to others, cleaning up messes after projects, eating something healthy during the day, etc. But, there are so many little things that bring joy that we miss because we are living for tomorrow. We have gap years where we've missed everything important. Life is more than working to pay bills. There are moments where we can take a mental snapshot of what we see, to accept and appreciate the family, life, and world that surrounds us every day.

I usually go out to feed our animals at early dusk. By the time I'm finished with the chores I can still see well, but it's definitely getting darker. At one point I cross over a canal and into the pasture and I always try to pause and LOOK, really look at what is in front of me. I'm almost always overwhelmed by the beauty. Sunset colors, flowers, grazing horses, flying egrets startled from my path…life through God's creation. As I pass through the pasture I have started taking pictures of some of the flowers and other still life moments. They are some of the most beautiful pictures I've ever taken – and they were during the times while I was working – while I was on my way somewhere else.

We've heard the cheesy clichés. Blink and you'll miss it. It's the journey – not the destination. Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. They become a cliché because they are true. But, we often lose sight of how to implement it – how to get from the "I'll be happy when…" to living the journey. I have a few suggestions.

Set an alarm for every few hours – when the alarm goes off take a moment to look around you and see something outside your immediate concern. You can take 2 seconds, or even a full minute. The point is it doesn't have to distract from your day – it becomes your day.

Say Yes. If you have children (or even a friend/spouse/roommate/dog) pick one thing that you would normally say No about, and say Yes instead.

Give real hugs, kiss cheeks and foreheads, and find characters in clouds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Too young to prepare?

Prepping can be defined in many ways. For me it is striving for self-sufficiency through skill improvement and an open mind set towards the possibilities of what could happen and training myself to handle those situations.
With my mind on preparedness drills this past week, an opportunity came about to put awareness into action. Our children are 3 and 2 (birthdays in July) so for any GOOD plan we have assumed we would be carrying them in addition to any preparations. Then we had a small fire.
I was cooking multiple things on the stove while the kids watched nearby. They often watch and occasionally help stir (not the hot foods, the ingredients before I put them in the pan). This time a small fire broke out on one of the burners (boil over from when my husband cooked that I had not noticed before starting). With two kids and 4 pans I had my hands full and called from my husband to help. He came in saying “Get Back! Get Back!” he grabbed the pan and tried to smother it while I grabbed the fire extinguisher.
The fire was out quickly, and we didn’t need the extinguisher, but we immediately noticed a problem.
The children were still right there on their stools.
With the items I had on the stove – and the fact that we live in a mobile home – that fire could have easily jumped out of control. My husband and I immediately agreed that the kids needed to learn a new skill: what to DO if there is a fire, rather than just be baggage.
Now, if we yell “FIRE FIRE FIRE” they are to run and stand with their backs to the TV. This puts them in the living room directly between both doors to outside. They are now directly on the path for us to grab on the way out the door, but it does not counteract the standing rule that they should not go outside without Mommy or Daddy. Finally, it insures they are out from under foot so we have the best possibility for stopping a future fire.
For anyone who has small children you know that lessons must be repeated often. Our first test went great. We did another drill about an hour later. The second was faster, so we were well pleased. Now, a point to note. My husband tried it without “making a big deal”. In other words, he said it, he didn’t yell it. Our daughter just looked at him like he was crazy – utter disaster in his eyes. However, after some discussion I think he understands that if there were a fire we’d be yelling it.
The next day my son, the 2 year old, asked me questions about the fire such as if there was one, and if “it” was ok to come in the kitchen. I don’t want him totally fearful – but I do want him thinking. After a day of not talking about it we had another drill tonight: a momentary pause then they both ran quickly to their spot!
Our plan is to drill every couple days for a while to make sure the message is deeply ingrained. We are discussing a “BIG FIRE. BIG FIRE. BIG FIRE” alternative that will have them running to the door leading to the fenced yard, but we are taking things one step at a time.